A MARRIAGE OF INCONVENIENCE
John II of the Paston family wanted a wife. Unfortunately, if you belonged to the propertied class in fifteenth-century England, getting married wasn't all that simple. The goal was to obtain an amiable, attractive mate with a dowry befitting the position and dignity of one's family. The attractive, amiable prospective brides with hefty dowries usually had a say in the choosing of their husbands within the limits of their class and therefore were fully aware of their consequent power. John II's older brother and head of the family, Sir John, decided to lend his brother a hand in his courtship. This story comes from MARRIAGE AND FAMILY IN THE MIDDLE AGES by Frances and Joseph Gies.
Sir John took on the unenviable task of interviewing the young ladies and their mothers whom John II had just visited and assessing the results of his brother's efforts. Alice Boleyn's mother, if not Alice herself, only had eyes for another suitor. Suitors so beset Katherine Dudley that she was "full of love." Katherine liked the attention and saw no reason to do anything to change her present situation. John II bungled the interview with a third young lady. He "chafed" her, whatever that meant. Indefatigable John II then fell head over heels in love with the daughter of a London draper, but the project fell through for undisclosed reasons. Nor was Lady Walgrave interested in the young man. Sir John himself fancied Lady Walgrave and pressed his own suit with equal lack of success. A Mistress Barley was the sole rejection in the other direction. She looked so much like a child that Sir John doubted she was the eighteen years her family claimed her to be.
After eight attempts, John II became desperate, declaring he would marry anyone, even an alewife if she had a decent fortune. Then through a friend, he met Margery Brews. The attraction was immediate, mutual and intense. Margery did not have, however, much of a dowry. Margery's mother put it this way, "I shall give you… a witty gentlewoman, and if I say it, both good and virtuous; for if I should take money for her, I would not give her for a thousand pounds. But I trust you so much, that I think her well bestowed on you."
The love-besotted John II didn't seem to care about the maid's dowry, but Sir John insisted that it had to be sufficient to satisfy what was right and proper for their family. Margery, on her end, wasn't about to leave her family in peace. Sir Thomas, Margery's father, initially refused to increase the dowry, but in that time as now, one of the great miseries in life was living with an unhappy child. The grandfather chipped in. Sir Thomas added to the pot several more times. Sir John as the representative of his family still wasn't satisfied. Nevertheless, when it came to his turn to make final concessions, he did.
The marriage endured happily.
We shouldn't be too critical of the mercenary nature of dowries in those times. It was a way for daughters to share in the family inheritance. Today, many households are utterly dependent on two incomes—the modern dowry may be the wife's earning ability.
Many of us can identify with the bumpy road of finding the right person to share a life with and take pleasure in the unexpected appearance of true love after so many rejections. But to me, that is not the most compelling part of the story. What moves me is the efforts the families made after recognizing John II and Margery had actually fallen in love to bend the rules of social standards and expectations so the couple could marry. Family pride and family assets were sacrificed for the sake of love. Margery's sisters even surrendered a portion of their dowries. In other words, love didn't conquer all, it didn't come close to conquering anything. It needed help from friends and family.
In Family in the Middle Ages, Medieval marriage Tags Marriage in the Middle Ages, Love succeeds against the odds, Dowery, dowry, family and marriage, love conquers all
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